Reminisce

I am FINALLY clearing my voice mail archives, on my cellphone. Due to beloved messages, from my husband, prior to our marriage, I have not had space on my voice mail, for nearly a year! This has become a point of frustration for those that are unable to leave messages, except by text.

Friends and family have told me, repeatedly, to transfer the sound clips to a file, on my computer. And, now, I've done it. What fun to go back and recall all of the wonderful moments and feelings associated with falling in love. I still pinch myself, knowing that I'm married to my best friend, but there's something about reliving the "early moments" that make my love feel rejuvenated and refreshed. I think TRUE LOVE is the most amazing miracle God created. It is renewed, daily, and takes on greater strength and meaning, with every year.

I am blessed beyond measure!

How He Loves...

Wow...

After years of struggling to figure out the root of many of my issues, I believe that the answer came today, in worship. The words to the song, below, were a point of recognition for me:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

by David Crowder

I don't accept the LOVE OF GOD, like I should. I feel so unworthy. And, I am. But that doesn't stop Him from loving. So, I am left with the choice to either ignore His Love and get by, on my own, which contradicts all that I believe, or I can learn to just RECEIVE, and in reception of God's Pure Love, I may find wholeness, healing, and security...those things which I constantly struggle to maintain. Why? Because I keep trying to find them outside of Perfect Love.

God, I want you and I need you, desperately. Interrupt my ignorance and pour out your Love. Bathe me, cleanse me, heal me, surprise me. Show me Your Love, once more. I am ready to KNOW IT!!!

Like breathing?

A - Author’s
R - Revealed
T - Truth

I am once again at a crossroads: assessing - nay, trying to identify - the barriers I have created, that are currently limiting my ability to produce. I thought of the above acronym, this evening, and I believe that it revealed part of my dilemma. I love art: its experience and its making. However, my love is coupled with FEAR and AWE that sober my joy of unabashed creation. I DO understand the weight of the pieces I make. They are supposed to reflect Him. All that I am is supposed to reflect Him. Afterall, He WAS and IS and Was before ALL that is now. So, the best I can ever do is echo His expression, in my own attempts. And yet, even in that freedom to make something “unoriginal,” I still honor the reality that if my work DOES NOT echo Him, I have become futile. And, I want my life to matter. I do not want to waste my energies on something that might not have worth.

Hence, as is often the case, I have given so much value to my understanding that I am limited within my mind - paused at the crux of creativity. But maybe, not. If I can begin to surrender my understanding of art’s responsibility, within my mind, I may find the ability to move again.

Great Author, Creator of all and giver of art, teach me how to make what You desire and calm my heart and mind when they waste time worrying about release. Show me how to shape, once more...

The Pathway to Uncovering...

I'm on a great adventure.

Well, I have been for sometime, but I got a bit sidetracked and forgot that I'd been commissioned for such a great work.

I work for the One To Whom I Cling, uncovering things.

Certainly, nothing is hidden from Him. Why would He require things to be uncovered? Because it's not for Him. It's for me. He knows and sees all, but sometimes, from my human perspective, those things aren't so obvious. So, He's invited me to use His tools (shovel, bucket, brushes) and do a bit of excavation. I guess I have been hired as a sort of spiritual archeologist. And, it is so interesting! There are multiple discoveries EVERYDAY! It is the best gig I've ever had. It's productive, it's inspirational, it's rewarding. I can't imagine why I had forgotten the work...I wasted time. But, the great part about this role is that OTWIC doesn't allow ANYTHING to be wasted. He redeems time and energy, so now that I'm back on the job, I'm getting enough done to make up for past absence.

Each day, I dig, I brush away, and I chronicle what I've found. But the amazing difference between my work and an actual archeologist is that my discoveries allude to further hidden mysteries. I can actually infer what I might find next, from something I've already found. Moreover, I KNOW that I'll find the rest of the missing pieces. They haven't been eaten by the earth, like some fossils. Every single part is available, if I just keep digging. And, as I go, my discoveries bring me closer to OTWIC, because they are all linked to WHO HE IS! Isn't that incredible?! So, I not only get to find out mind-blowing new things, about life, history, and the future, but I am simultaneously growing in my relationship with my boss. He spends every moment with me, while I uncover and helps me understand what I've found.

I think there may be more available positions. I'll check with Him and let you know.

Honestly, you don't want to miss this opportunity. Oh, and don't worry about your skill set. No prior experience is needed. You learn, on the job...

Office Space

Well, we are still in process of rearranging, but already - just 2 weeks into the New Year - I believe we will have an office that is practically usable, while tripling as a music studio and guest bedroom.

It's good to have "Days off with Hubby."

It's gonna be a good year...

The Release...

Sometimes I realize that I need to let go of what I've imagined life will be...

Sometimes I get ahead of God, or just assume I know where He's going...

Sometimes I forget that my interpretation of His Voice is limited by my human understanding, jaded by my emotions and experiences...

Sometimes I remember that if He is Truly God and Truly Good and that He's ALWAYS been faithful, I don't have to fret now, even though I might not comprehend why I hear and see what occurs around me...

Sometimes I have to release my desires, my will, my intentions and agendas, my hopes and fears - I have to release them all into His Hands and continue to trust that ALL WILL BE as He has Promised, though we can never fully know what that means without the journey...

VALENTINE BLISS - A Tribute to the LOVES of my life...

This weekend has been amazing: full of life and love and memory-making. And, it was all made possible by, not one, but three people. They are the three men in my life: T-LOMS, Avi, and My Darling One.


T-LOMS
The first, and most prominent, is actually not man at all, but the shaper of men: ADONAI, The Lover of my Soul. I know and experience love, everyday, because HE exudes it and teaches it to my heart and the hearts of other. He embodies love, referred to in I John as BEING love, Himself. He therefore is the SOURCE for love’s distribution: the Great Warehouse from which we all acquire the level of love we each need and give (if we are willing to recognize Him). He plays the greatest role of love, because I know that without Him, I am not capable of accurately giving OR receiving love. Why? Because, as scripture states: We love because He first loved us... While I realize that passage specifically makes reference to the exchange of love between me and TOTWIC, it also implies further ripples of love’s affects, such as our relationship to those around us. I know my SOURCE as Father, Lover, and Faithful Friend. From HIS absolutely unconditional love, I have learned the value in its generous and humble expression and how to appreciate the way I am embraced by others. He is THE standard and has formed my identity and my opinion of what REAL LOVE should be.

Thank you, LORD, for BEING LOVE and teaching me it’s true form.

Avi
In Hebrew, it means “my father,” and it is the term I have come to use when making reference to, or addressing, the earthly embodiment of this role. My father is one of the most amazing men I have ever encountered: intelligent, humble, loving, and true. He is consistent in character, only changing when it means GROWTH. I admire him among my heroes and love him dearly, because, second to T-LOMS, he has taught me how to give and receive love. Shadowing the attributes of his HEAVENLY example, my father has shared his life and love, with his family: asking nothing in return, sincerely satisfied in our delight. He has tangibly shown his feelings and commitment with words and gestures of affection and intention. One such gesture - tradition for nearly 18 years - is the bestowing of a heart-shaped box of chocolate truffles on each of his girls. Though only made of sugar and bean (and known for fading with time), these cocoa-based delights have thrilled our hearts and spirits for almost two decades. Because, the value lies not in the gesture alone, but in the meaning behind the action: in the symbol behind the deed. For it speaks of his interest in our lives and his knowledge of past and future input. For many year, he WAS our only Valentine. We are both married now, having found our forever loves, but even with these shifts of directed dedication, Avi is unchanged.

When I received my box, this year, I was surprised and emotional to discover that he would still impart such a gift to one who no longer falls under his covering. Through teary words, I thanked him and communicated the value of this annual treasure. He said that his track-record has been “too good” and though we have grown, and roles have shifted, he has no plans to cease this habit in the future. My heart was warmed. What a gift I have, not in a mere box of chocolates, but in the man that taught me life’s real sweetness is found in love, not inside a candy shell!

Thank you, Avi, for giving form to the love ADONAI has shown...

My Darling One
The most recent addition to my line-up of cherished men is my beloved husband. He is the culmination of the roles and lessons played and given by T-LOMS and Avi. And, I am able to exchange love with him, because of the way they each faithfully taught me. With reception of Stevie’s love, my cup is full. I waited for his love the longest, for his role to come and complete my life. Not that completion can be found in man alone, but rather that I knew a promise, from T-LOMS, was yet to be fulfilled in the person of my husband. He is now my daily link to the flesh of ADONAI’s love and the continuation of the covering love my father has always given. He was approved and blessed by both, so I know that his love can be trusted, because I trust their love explicitly. I am grateful to know a man who is both lover yet friend, leader yet partner. He is my joy and my delight. He is my forever valentine, the one whom G-d has called to finish life’s lesson of love. And, while many classes still lie ahead, I am confident that his life will prove to be the greatest journey I have yet encountered. To love him is to know happiness and to be loved by him is to understand sincerity.

Thank you, My Darling One, for the love you freely give everyday, without expectation...

I am blessed among women! For, I have the love of THREE incredible men. I have a foundation, a structure, and a breathing reality of what LOVE truly is. My heart is full, my spirit rejoices, and my life knows no boundary of satisfaction, because I have been loved in the truest way and it has shaped my very being. And everyday, therefore, is my Valentine’s Day.

Na-nu Na-nu

the strangest ideas pop into my head, just after waking each morning. usually, i just let them wash over my brain until i have fully surfaced into conscious reality, but this morning, i began allowing each random thought to protrude from my mouth, attempting to let my husband in on all my "secrets." right or wrong, i think that i discovered one truth that has been hidden from all of us, until my discovery, today. (you may want to fasten your mental seat belts for this one)

we all know that sleep helps our bodies recover and rebuild. we know that we need rest and that we function better when our nights are complete. yet, even with all that is known about R&R, there are still many questions left unanswered, including: What ACTUALLY happens to our bodies while we are asleep? and, as of this morning, my answer is:

We are temporarily transformed into aliens.

yes, i DID just state that as though it were truth.

i mean, who can know for sure if i am wrong? is anyone truly prepared to argue that we do NOT become aliens?

my reasons for this seemingly absurd comment are as follows:

1) when we sleep, our bodies are relatively "useless" to the human world, as we just lie around until we are awakened. however, as many aliens utilize the power of the mind to accomplish tasks, our value in that realm is absolutely intensified by our full submission to the world of the subconscious.

2) dreams are similar to reality, but just different enough to appear as an alternate state of life as we commonly know it. i believe this is the wrestle between our human and alien forms. the human part of us reveals things as they are (circumstances, people, places, memories), but the alien part changes them (your friend suddenly has a different face, you find yourself with HERO powers/abilities, etc.)

3) waking up takes time. it is a process to fully change back from alien to human form, and thus the process of waking up can often be frustrating and slow. the snooze button is actual an ingenious invention of those who recognize the tug between realms.

4) "morning breath" is actually a remnant of having been altered. while aliens may be able to access more of their brain power than humans, they do belong to other worlds and their concept of hygiene is vastly different than ours, similar to that of amphibians and reptiles. when we awake, we are not dirty, as we may think. we have simply arrived back in human form with "alien" left on our tongues.

after perusing my thoughts, i realize that i sound like a crazy person and NO, i don't actually believe that we experience nightly body snatching. but, it is fun to think about these types of things and the child in me will always be willing to explore my thoughts and visions, no matter how bizarre they may appear to those around me.

and to all of my readers from the planets beyond...LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

:)

Raindrops on roses...

- the smell after rain
- eating fresh baked bread (sweet cream butter or nutella make this even better!)
- opening a delightful bottle of red
- dark chocolate (70% preferred)
- lounging at home with a good read
- pondering destiny
- knowing that I am known (by TOTWIC)
- lying in the arms of my Beloved Husband
- hearing the sound of children's laughter
- watching videos of nieces and nephews
- chewing on some good WORD
- worshiping in total abandon
- being "clarified" by my sweet, patient earthly father
- speaking words of encouragement
- bonding with a close group of friends or family
- listening to someone share "their heart"
- walking through the Magic Kingdom
- going out for sushi
- stepping naked toes into wet sand
- surprising or being surprised

these are a few of my favorite things...