Why is this night different from all other nights?

Last night, I observed my third Passover Seder in Florida. For a third, consecutive year, I found myself leading family, and friends, through this annual tradition of liturgy: observing my favorite Feast of the LORD, acknowledging and appreciating His wonderful redemption story.

Though it is traditionally a man who leads this service, I have taken the role as "head," because in my circle, I have more exposure to these practices and observances, than others. This reality has been received, with great humility and initial insecurity. After all, with only 14 years of knowledge, how could I possibly know enough to teach (let alone lead) such a rich moment, in our calendar year?

And yet, year after year, G-d has proven to be faithful to be the Instructor: the true LEADER of the evening. He has taught me new layers of truth and insight, in my preparation, enriching what I already value about my faith.

The journey has been a delightful one, and as new ideas are already being birthed for the future, I look ahead with great anticipation. I love knowing that "it has only begun."

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Master of the universe,
who has kept us alive and sustained us and enabled us
to reach this time.

How He Loves...

Wow...

After years of struggling to figure out the root of many of my issues, I believe that the answer came today, in worship. The words to the song, below, were a point of recognition for me:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

by David Crowder

I don't accept the LOVE OF GOD, like I should. I feel so unworthy. And, I am. But that doesn't stop Him from loving. So, I am left with the choice to either ignore His Love and get by, on my own, which contradicts all that I believe, or I can learn to just RECEIVE, and in reception of God's Pure Love, I may find wholeness, healing, and security...those things which I constantly struggle to maintain. Why? Because I keep trying to find them outside of Perfect Love.

God, I want you and I need you, desperately. Interrupt my ignorance and pour out your Love. Bathe me, cleanse me, heal me, surprise me. Show me Your Love, once more. I am ready to KNOW IT!!!

To Be or Not to be...

AVAILABLE: able to be used or obtained; at someone's disposal; free to do something

Does this define my life before The One To Whom I Cling?

We live in a world that is time-bound. And greater injustice is added to this reality, for those of us that live in the fast-paced, money-driven, Western world. We are constantly aware of our time (or lack thereof) and finding new ways to maximize the small amount of time we never seem to have. We strategize our meetings, inviting multiple departments to the same table that we may increase productivity over a shorter span of time. We purchase and invest energy in technology, designed to keep EVERYTHING in one place, in order that we can "do away" with the need for multiple digital outlets. We write texts, instead of emails and choose abbreviations, within those texts, instead of full sentences, so that we can communicate as succinctly as possible. We purchase pre-packed meals so that all items are combined on one plate, with limited preparation...and the list goes on. But the irony remains: we never seem to find enough time.

I have to ask myself the question: if I never seem to find enough time, what am I wasting time doing that prevents me from investing in those things I truly need?

My answer? Not making myself accessible to God. That is the key issue that will unlock having enough time to do other things. I am more aware than ever that my number one problem has been NOT making ENOUGH time for God.

God: our Father, our Friend, and King of the Universe. He is not bound by time, nor does He feel limited by it. Time is something He invented, so it is not a threat to Him. But it does pose a threat to my relationship, with Him, when I try to make Him fit within my time-bound thinking (and my "all-important" schedule). If I truly desire to be known by Him, and to be used by Him, I cannot decide when and how that will happen. (It is enough that He WANTS to use me!) If God chooses to invest Himself IN and THROUGH me, I must begin to live a life, marked by AVAILABILITY. I must stop saying that He can have "x" amount of minutes, in my day, or that He may take liberty to show His power at "such and such" a time, in my life or my church service. Rather, I must treat Him with at least the same respect I treat those with whom I have earthly relationship.

To claim desire for intimacy and companionship with my spouse or family and then avoid their presence or interrupt their conversation - every time they begin sharing their heart with me - would be rude and ridiculous. After a while, they would stop believing my intention to know them. My actions would speak louder than my words.

So, how is it any different, in my relationship with TOTWIC? If I say I want to KNOW HIM, I must stop and listen to Him, as He shares WHO HE IS. If I say I want TO BE USED by Him, I must stop my own agenda and focus on His. If I profess interest in being AVAILABLE, I have to actually BE AVAILABLE. And, since I serve a God NOT BOUND by the time which limits me, I have to learn that I WILL BE INTERRUPTED. I will feel as though my schedule was put "on hold", in order to accomplish His purposes. But, until I am willing to let go of that which is fleeting, I will never fully be able to be used. I am only one of many. There are others that can accomplish His Kingdom Work. But, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss an opportunity to be in service for the King of Kings.

So, here I am, Lord. I am ready. Interrupt my life...

Shout Outs to Heaven

Last night, I had the great privilege of reconnecting, with my little sister, after a nearly two-week lull in correspondence.  Between babies, sickness, bad phone connections, and altered work schedules, we've simply not be able to find common time and space.  But, being that we're as close as twins are usually thought to be, the silence between us felt painfully longer than it really was.

Needless to say, we made the most of the gifted hour and exchanged words regarding the faithfulness of G-d in our lives over the past couple of weeks.

And, I realized something...

TESTIMONY IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF WORSHIP!

Why?

Because it is ALWAYS rooted in G-d and always provokes the sharer(s) and receiver(s) to fix their gaze on universe's Great King.  

The path of testimony, therefore, begins and ends with He who IS the beginning and the end.  Thus, it is the highest form of worship, because no other being has option to take credit; no person or situation can receive glory for whatever breakthrough has occurred.  

In so many expressions of worship, we find room for err, either due to distraction (time, focus, energy, etc.) or displaced recognition (taking credit for something NOT our own).  Yet, the very nature of testimony defies these weaknesses by its initiation in the SPECIFIC DESIRE to give account of what G-d has done.  And, because of His great love for us, it edifies us in the process.  We become encouraged and strengthened as we are reminded that G-d is Good!  And, it causes us to keep trusting, to abide in Him, no matter our present set of circumstances.  Essentially, testimony is a Heavenly Pep Rally, where believers find themselves pumping adrenaline and cheer leading for the LORD.  

Testimony starts with G-d moving, causes us to recognize we can do nothing apart from Him (thereby initiating perseverance in our faith), and leads us to further testimony.  It is a successful cycle that has proved itself for generations, beginning with those who penned our very scriptures...which is why reading the WORD is so refreshing, so challenging to our daily walk.  It stirs our spirit and reminds us that G-d truly is the same "yesterday, today, and forever."

So, the next time your needing a little "tune-up," give it up for G-d: walk to the closest relational "open-mic," and shout out.  I guarantee you'll be refreshed for the next step.

it's a new dawn, it's a new day

it’s “shelf time” again. not that i am forgotten, nor is he. we are merely getting ripe for the next harvest. every time i find myself waiting for the next use by the Master, i realize that, though familiar, it is always a new experience. while i can certainly learn from time past, i cannot use former strength to ease the weight of new challenges. i have to “re-learn,” die to self, and desire and recall that without death, true life cannot spring forth.

does He do this to punish? certainly not!

proverbs mentions that “the Lord disciplines those He loves; as a Father, the son He delights in...” (Prov. 3: 12). though i do not consider myself a spiritual masochist, i have learned to understand that the chastening of the Lord is one attribute that can always be trusted. for, i know that we serve a G-d who literally IS LOVE; therefore, any action He performs must be born out of love’s definition. it cannot be motivated from anything else, because G-d will never contradict Himself. so, i can trust ALL things that He initiates, whether they are comfortable or not, in the present. for, a G-d who sees and knows ALL things for ALL TIME can certainly discern the outcome of my present circumstances better than I, who have limited input into that which is yet to come.

and so, once again, we are waiting...but not in vain. for, we do not wait on man, who errs, but we actively lean on, trust, and place hope in the one who gave us breath. if he can spur life from NOTHING, He can re-birth that which he fashioned in the first place. roles may change, tasks may require different attention, but the heartbeat will always echo that which was first established in the DESTINY of our lives.

(and so we) WAIT on you LORD, that you may give us our food in due season.
- Psalm 104:27

RESUMPTION and REBIRTH

here i am once more, not as i was formerly known - however - as i am now presently addressed under a new surname.

still, my mind functions relatively similarly, as does my heart, though both are now taken up by the other half of myself: my dearest husband:)

in other news: elections, tropical storms, and examination of purpose.

let's begin with the one that is ironically the easiest for me to explore...ELECTIONS. at present, we have 53 days until american citizens are able to cast their vote toward the next leader of the free world. with too many topics up for grabs when considering this extremely passionate subject, let me to this alone: we HAVE to begin educating ourselves on the issues most important in this life. it is not about getting hung-up or distracted by those "platforms" to which we've so long bent a knee. would it be easier with more choices for parties? certainly. but, at present, that is not an option. so, bottom line? we must all do our best to weed through the absurdly biased opinions and BS to which we are numb to subjugation and seek the heart of G-d for a decision that will best serve our families, our nation, and our world for the next four years. it's muddy and no one is PERFECT for the job, but someone's gotta do it and it's better to just pick and be confident for yourself. let's stop arguing about the in between.

TROPICAL STORMS. huh. never thought i'd see the day when i would even pay attention to these guys, unless they hit Andrew or Katrina-like power, being that i'm shamelessly a Northern Girl. yet, as i now find myself a Floridian, or at least married to one and here until further notice, i'm waking up to realities that are no longer a distant story in the news. these puppies affect my weather now...crazy how we so frequently remain blind until we're affected. it's kinda sick, really, but we're only human and we come by this ignorance honestly. i am aware this year of exactly how many storms have occurred, thus far, what they're named, and what path they've travelled. i think i may reconsider my life calling and contemplate meteorology. nah...

though, that does bring me to today's final point: PURPOSE. what is mine, or more specifically in this present season: what is ours, meaning the husband and me??? this is the question we've all asked ourselves multiple times, but whenever we enter new realms of life and understanding, it is not uncommon to re-ask, trying to grasp how it is supposed to look, feel, and breathe inside new dimensions and circumstances. hence, we're asking again in order to clarify our NEXT STEP. we're not interested in wasting time or energy on the wrong thing. so, we wait. a good place to be at, whenever i recall the leaders that have gone before us. it is the great ones that were willing to intentionally pursue, without concern for time or opinion. so, we lean on the ONE TO WHOM WE CLING and trust HIS VOICE ALONE for answering these questions that sometimes seem clear and sometimes carry fog. what will the response be this time, O GREAT KING?

we are ever changing...